COVID-19:How to help your marriage overcome the stress of lockdown

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China’s experience with COVID-19 revealed how deadly the virus can be, and now data out of China shows us how damaging the virus can be for marriages.

News outlets are reporting that a great numbers of couples are filing for divorce in China. And, sinisterly, domestic violence is on the rise. With the United States and other countries now facing increasing rates of COVID-19, we should take this information as a warning. Couples need assistance in managing the stresses of living together in a lockdown.

Some important ways you can manage the strain on your relationship are:

Arrange for personal time. While you may finally have the opportunity to spend quality time with your spouse. Keep in mind that it is not only normal to need alone time, it is important for your health ,as an individual and for your relationship. 

Accept your spouse as they are. Focus on what you value, appreciate, and respect concerning your spouse. It can help to remember that he/she – like you – is stressed and may not be at his/her best. So, choose to let his/sher upsetting behavior go. If issues continue after some normalcy, you can always keep addressing grievances at appropriate time.

Plan for expected problems. Sit down together to talk through what each of you is struggling with individually and as a couple. If you are aware of particular areas of challenge or behaviours that may lead to conflict, decide ahead of time how you can handle them. For example,if you tend to get irritated when stressed, acknowledge this upfront, vow to try to handle frustrations in a non-offensive manner,and apologize when you backslide. Also, given that you may be facing numerous stressors as a couple, talk together about how you can prioritize and manage them.

Take space when tensions heat up. When tensions rise among you, choose to take time away from each other. Rather than just walking away, inform your partner that you need some time to calm down or consider the issue at hand. It usually helps to provide a time when you will reconnect, even if you would like to extend the break at that point.

Connect with others. Just as people generally do best when they are with friends in addition to their spouse, connecting with others during lockdown can lessen the strain on your marriage. So, text or call some friends. You may even make use of this time  to reconnect with people you haven’t spoken with in a long time.

If you have children, maintain their routine. This is very necessary if you do not want your home filled with crying, whining, and tantrums. Also be sure that you attend to the basics of what your children need, such as eating well and getting enough sleep.

Give the above suggestions serious consideration. By responding to your personal and relationship challenges in constructive ways, you will increase your chances of managing this crisis well together. Even better, you could find that you actually enjoy a lot of this imposed together time and enjoy a greater sense of closeness.








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