11 Ways to keep your emotion under control
The ability to feel and express emotions is more important than you might realize.
As the felt response to a given situation, emotions play a vital role in your reactions. When you’re in tune with them, you can have access to important knowledge which allows :
- fair decision-taking
- successful relationship
- daily interactions
- mindful self scare
While emotions can have a positive impact in your daily life, they can affect your emotional health and interpersonal relationships when they start getting out of control.
Vicki Botnick, a therapist in Tarzana, California, indicates that any emotion — even elation, joy, or others you may typically view as positive — is able to intensify to a point where it becomes difficult to control.
With some practice, however, you can take back the command.
Here are some pointers to start with.
Intense emotions are not allowed bad.
“Emotions make our lives exciting, unique, and vibrant,” Botnick declares. “Strong feelings can signify that we embrace life fully, that we are not repressing our natural reactions.”
It’s perfectly normal to experience some emotional overwhelm sometimes,for example ,when something wonderful happens, when something terrible happens or when you feel like having missed out.
Then, how do you know when there’s a problem?
Emotions that frequently get out of hand may lead to:
- friendship dispute
- difficulty interacting with others
- conflict at work or school
- an urge to use substances to help control your emotions
- physical or emotional assaults
Find some time to evaluate just how your uncontrolled emotions are affecting your day-to-day life. This can make it easier to identify problem areas, and possibly measure your success.
You can’t control your emotions with a dial (if only it were that easy!). But imagine, for a while, that you would be able to manage emotions this way.
You wouldn’t want to allow them running at maximum all the time. You also wouldn’t like to switch them off entirely, either.
When you suppress or repress emotions, you’re keeping yourself from experiencing and expressing feelings. This might happen consciously (suppression) or unconsciously (repression).
It can also contribute to mental and physical health symptoms,such as:
- anxiety
- depression
- sleep challenges
- muscle tension and pain
- challenges in managing stress
- misuse of substances
When learning to exercise control over emotions, make sure you are not only sweeping them under the carpet. Healthy emotional expression involves finding a kind of balance between overwhelming emotions and no emotions at all.
Taking a moment to check in with yourself about your mood can allow you begin gaining back control.
For example, if you’ve been seeing someone for a few months,and you tried planning a date last week, but they said they didn’t have time. Yesterday, you tried another text again, saying, “I’d like to see you soon. Can we meet this week?”
They finally reply, more than a day later: “Sorry.Can’t. Busy.”
You’re suddenly uncontrollably upset. Without stopping to think, you throw your phone across the room, knock over your wastebasket, and kick your desk, hurting your toe.
Interrupt yourself and ask:
- How am I feeling right now? (disappointed, confused, furious)
- What happened for me feel this way? (They brushed me off with no explanation.)
- Does the situation have another explanation that can make sense? (Maybe they’re stressed, sick, or dealing with something else they don’t feel comfortable to explain. They might plan to explain more when possible.)
- What can I do about these feelings? (Scream, vent my frustration by throwing things,send back something rude.)
- Is there a better way of dealing with them? (Ask if everything is OK. Ask when they might be free next. Go for a walk or run.)
By considering possible alternatives, you’re reframing your thoughts, which may help you adjust your first extreme reaction.
It may take some time before this response becomes a habit. With practice, going through these steps in your head will make it easier, and more effective.
If you’re trying to get better at managing emotions, you might be able to downplay your feelings to yourself.
When you hyperventilate after receiving good news or collapse on the floor screaming and sobbing when you can’t find your keys, it might seem useful to tell yourself, “Just calm down,” or “It’s not that big of a deal, so why over do.”
But this nullifies your experience. It is a big deal to you.
Accepting emotions as they come allows you to get more comfortable with them. Increasing your comfort around intense emotions helps you to fully feel them without reacting in extreme, unhealthy ways.
For example, try:
- “I’m upset because I continue losing my keys, which makes me come late. I should put a dish on the shelf by the door so that I remember to keep them in the same spot.
Accepting emotions can
Writing down (or typing up) your feelings and the responses they trigger can allow you uncover any disruptive patterns.
Sometimes, it is enough to mentally trace emotions back through your thoughts. Writing feelings onto a paper can allow you to reflect on them more deeply.
It also allows you recognize when specific circumstances, like trouble at work or family conflict, lead to harder-to-control emotions. Identifying specific triggers makes it easier to come up with ways to tackle them more productively.
It provides the most benefit when you do it on daily basis. Keep your journal with you and jot down intense emotions or feelings as they happen. Try to note the triggers and your reaction. If your reaction can’t help, use your journal to explore more helpful possibilities for the future.
There’s much to be said for the power of a deep breath, whether you’re extremely happy or so angry you can’t speak.
Slowing down and paying attention to your breath won’t make the emotions go away (and remember, that is not the goal).
Still, deep breathing exercises can help you ground yourself and take a step back from the first intense flash of emotion and any extreme reaction you might want to avoid.
The next time you feel emotions starting to gain control:
- Breathe in slowly. Deep breaths come from the diaphragm, not the chest. It can help to visualize your breath rising from deep inside your belly.
- Hold it. Hold your breath for a count of three, then allow it out slowly.
- Consider a mantra. Some people find it helpful to repeat a mantra, such as “I am calm” or “I am relaxed.”
There’s a time and place for anything, including intense emotions. Sobbing without restrain is a pretty common response to losing a loved one, for example. Screaming into your pillow, even punching it, can help you relieve some anger and tension after being dumped.
Other situations, however, require some restraint. No matter how frustrated you are, screaming at your boss over an unfair disciplinary action may not help.
Being mindful of your surroundings and the situation can allow you learn when it’s OK to let feelings out and when you might need to sit with them for the moment
Getting some distance from intense feelings may help you make sure you’re reacting to them in reasonable ways, according to Botnick.
This distance might be physical, like leaving an upsetting situation, for example. But it can also be possible for you to create some mental distance by distracting yourself.
While you don’t want to block or avoid feelings entirely, it’s not harmful to distract yourself until you get to a better position to deal with them. Just try to ensure you do come back to them. Healthy distractions are only temporary.
Try:
- taking a walk
- watching a funny video
- talking to a loved person
- spending a few minutes with your pet
If you practice meditation already, it could be one of your go-to methods for coping with extreme feelings.
Meditation may help you increase your awareness of all feelings and experiences. When you meditate, you’re teaching yourself to sit with those feelings, to notice them without judging yourself or attempting to change them or make them disappear.
As mentioned earlier, learning to accept all of your emotions can make emotional regulation easier. Meditation helps you improve those acceptance skills.
When you’re under a lot of stress, managing your emotions could become more difficult. Even people who generally can control their emotions well may find it harder when there is high tension and stress.
Reducing stress, or finding more helpful ways to manage it, can allow your emotions become more manageable.
Mindfulness practices like meditation can reduce stress, too. They won’t get rid of it, but they can make it easier to live with.
Other healthy ways to cope with stress include:
- having enough sleep
- creating time to talk (and laugh) with friends
- exercise
- spending time in nature
- sparing time for relaxation and hobbies
If you continue to feel your emotions overwhelming, it maybe time to seek professional assistance.
Long-term or persistent emotional dysregulation and mood swings can lead to certain mental health conditions,such as borderline disorder and bipolar disorder. Trouble controlling emotions can also lead to trauma, family issues, or other underlying concerns, Botnick explains.
A therapist can give compassionate, judgment-free support as you:
- explore factors contributing to dysregulated emotions
- address severe mood swings
- learn how down-regulate intense feelings or up-regulate reduced emotional expression
- practice challenging and reframing feelings that cause distress
Mood swings and intense emotions can generate negative or unwanted thoughts that eventually trigger feelings of hopelessness or despair
This cycle can eventually make unhelpful coping methods including self-harm or even thoughts of suicide. If you start thinking about suicide or have urges to self-harm, talk to a trusted loved one who can assist you to get support right away.
If you continue to feel your emotions overwhelming, it maybe time to seek professional assistance.
Long-term or persistent emotional dysregulation and mood swings can lead to certain mental health conditions,such as borderline disorder and bipolar disorder. Trouble controlling emotions can also lead to trauma, family issues, or other underlying concerns, Botnick explains.
A therapist can give compassionate, judgment-free support as you:
- explore factors contributing to dysregulated emotions
- address severe mood swings
- learn how down-regulate intense feelings or up-regulate reduced emotional expression
- practice challenging and reframing feelings that cause distress
Mood swings and intense emotions can generate negative or unwanted thoughts that eventually trigger feelings of hopelessness or despair
This cycle can eventually make unhelpful coping methods including self-harm or even thoughts of suicide. If you start thinking about suicide or have urges to self-harm, talk to a trusted loved one who can assist you to get support right away.
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